It's a miracle we ever learn to speak or read English

The English language has many eccentricities.  Some are our own fault, some were built in to the language.  I'll discuss both.


The Stupid Things we Say
Cliches, slang, colloquial terms: our language is so riddled with these anomalies of speech that it's a wonder anyone learning the English language is ever able to do so.  Here is a short list of words and phrases used today that are somewhat ridiculous.  Some are text-speak, some are just plain stupid and the majority of us are guilty of using these at least on occasion.


1. Like:  This word can mean that you appreciate or enjoy something "I like that color."  Today this word is a common filler phrase "She was like whoa, and then I was like no way, and she was like OMG!"   I'm not even sure what the definition for this use would be in a dictionary.


2.  OMG: Oh, my god.


3. Sick:  Normally, this word means that someone is ill.  In colloquial terms "sick" has come to mean "awesome" or "sweet."  Discrepancy in meaning? I think so!


4. Epic: another word for awesome


5. Fail: a word now used for any slip-up or a mistake of any proportion.


Natural Ridiculousness
For this portion I'm going to just copy and paste my favorite example from the internet and a couple videos.  Please take a few minutes to enjoy these! You'll laugh in wonder, I promise.

Stupid Facts:
Reasons Why the English Language is Hard to Learn

• The bandage was wound around the wound.
• The farm was used to produce produce.
• The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
• He could lead if he would get the lead out.
• The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
• Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
• A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
• When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
• I did not object to the object.
• There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
• They were too close to the door to close it.
• The buck does funny things when the does are present.
• A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
• To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
• The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
• After a number of injections my jaw got number.
• Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
• I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
• How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible? And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it? English is a silly language — it doesn't know if it is coming or going



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDFQXxWIyvQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHhYLJMi7CE&feature=related